Hanna: ‘Oh, Jeff, the world is bad. Jeff: ‘The only thing I accept is despair’. So ends the trailer for Rainer W. Fassbinder’s film Beware of a Holy Whore, made in 1971. The film is set in a hotel by the sea, a film team spends a long time waiting in vain for the director, the star and the money. The days pass, waiting becomes unbearable. Envy, affairs, resentment and boredom turn into hysterical aggression. Only the start of shooting brings release, and finally flight.
I grew up in a hotel, and sitting now in a hotel room in Venice I find myself again in the place from which I fled years ago – in a hotel. Not by a mountain this time, but much worse, by the sea or, rather, almost in the waters.
But I am waiting neither for a director, nor for a star, nor for money, it’s much worse, for months I’ve been waiting for the end of despair. I’m waiting for one good idea, so that before the start of winter I can escape from this serene island drowned in so many bad affairs.
Meanwhile I accept my despair as a trailer for my flight, and I know it will come some time, the start of shooting by the sea or the madness in the mountain hotel as in The Shining. Jack Nicholson anyway reminds me of my father.
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